Last week I went to a yoga class taught in English. It was awesome except for those six or seven times my instructor kept asking me to tighten my anus muscles when I do stretches to lengthen my muscles (it’s a legit type of yoga – I Googled it like three minutes before I wrote this post). Because I am a juvenile person with very little self-control and an active imagination, all I wanted was to laugh. I worked my core muscles the hardest that day because I was trying so hard not to burst out laughing hysterically. Because the instructor was so insistent, I tried to tighten my muscles down there and I must have been doing it all wrong because I was too busy worrying I would fart (out loud!) that I didn’t even remember if I was stretching properly.
When I got back to the office, I told my colleagues about it and now our go-to insult for one another is, “Go tighten/loosen your anus.” It’s not even that insulting but you can imagine all sorts of inappropriate jokes resulting from this line of conversation. To make matters worse, I made the mistake of teaching them some Burmese phrases which are utterly improper (like the word for tightening your butt muscles or the word which combines sorry-no-thank-you-but-yes-if-you-insist) and now I can’t take them to Burma because if I did, they will either get slapped by Burmese people or they’ll be sectioned off. They now have roughly five Burmese phrases in their repertoire which makes no sense, some they picked up from listening to me talking to my mum on the phone. It is truly a wonder how they still remember these phrases despite the fact that they were mostly drunk when these phrases were introduced to them. Maybe there’s correlation between information retention and alcohol percentage in the bloodstream. IATEFL here I come with a groundbreaking topic for next year conference.
What scares me is that, I did all of this fully sober. When people are drunk, they do and say stuff which they might not be accountable for. In my case, I am always always accountable because I have a full recollection of what I wanted to say or do. I swear I don’t go searching for things like this to happen, they just happen to me. Or so I would tell myself.